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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23046076">Teach Me: Caleb's Trauma</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CostumerDelight/pseuds/CostumersDelight'>CostumersDelight (CostumerDelight)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Childhood Trauma, Human Experimentation, Psychological Trauma, Scarification, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:20:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23046076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CostumerDelight/pseuds/CostumersDelight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Caleb's trauma in a modern light.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Teach Me: Caleb's Trauma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Separate from the rest of the fic due to the rating.</p><p>Content Warnings: Suicide attempt, faking murder, framing for murder, car crash deaths, physical abuse, ritualistic bloodletting, mental and emotional abuse, public humiliation, brainwashing, coercion to commit crime, Guilt Tripping, Arson, detailed crime scene description, and general caleb/crystal stuff</p><p>The rest of the fic can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22203598/chapters/53011891</p><p>Thank you to TearfulSolace for the betaread on this chapter and help with CW tags.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Caleb explained his couple of years at Soltryce Academy under the education of Trent Ikithon. The first semester, he became friends with Eodwulf and Astrid, among a few other students in the same coursework. He fell in love with Astrid almost immediately, and they dated through that first semester. He had kept in touch for a bit with Mollymauk, but following his introduction to Ikithon’s private courses, his phone was disposed of abruptly. (Molly interjected to say he was pissed that he was cut off from his best friend, but Caleb shushed him so he could continue explaining what had happened.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ikithon had taken Caleb (still going by Bren back then), Astrid, and Eodwulf, along with about four other students of their year, to a secluded area of the Soltryce campus with some older students yet, and they housed there, studied there, and occasionally partied there as a group. Caleb explained that those parties were why when this group had first suggested partying, he was so against it; those parties were where he got the scars on his arms, and even with his visual discomfort, he allowed everyone to carefully look over the scars until it was past his boundaries and he retreated for a bit into himself. (Molly had nudged Essek at that time and ran a hand through his hair, then pointed at Caleb. Essek gently settled on the couch behind Caleb and started carding through his hair, which did visibly relax him until he could speak again.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went on to say that he hadn’t gotten his ‘turn’ with the experimentation until he was further along in his studies, which happened at the start of his third term under Ikithon, what should have been the start of a second normal year. Ikithon didn’t let them leave in the summer break, instead holding additional courses throughout the entire year. These ‘parties’ had just been preparation for the pain that was to come with the crystals being put into their arms. His own body rejected the first four attempts from the upperclassmen over the course of a month, so Ikithon gave it a try himself. It didn’t go very well, and Caleb was berated in front of his classmates for his failure as a student to accept the generous gift Ikithon was trying to bestow upon him, as if he had a choice in the matter. Astrid broke up with him over this. It was months later that his body did take to the crystals for a time, but rejected them again shortly after. (As he described the crystals, he rubbed his hands along his arms, and Molly gave Essek a look. Essek gently squeezed Caleb’s shoulders for a few minutes and the arm rubbing stopped.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until sometime in the second autumn of his education under Ikithon, what he described as the start of his third year of college, that he found out what Ikithon’s intent for his special courses were. Astrid and Eodwulf had been gone for a little over a week each over the summer, and when they came back they were sullen and distant. It had taken a couple weeks before they were back to a semblance of their former selves. But there was a darkness behind their eyes he had taken note of, and then he was asked to Ikithon’s private chambers and given a silent command into his mind to be carried out within the next thirty days. He took a leave of absence from his classes and went back home, much to his parents surprised delight. (Caleb took a breath and steadied himself, leaning against Essek’s legs. He had asked that no one shout or scream or anything loud when he explained what the command was, and everyone agreed, though Jester pointed out that she couldn’t truly promise not to react loudly; Beau handed her a pillow to scream into if necessary, and Essek gave Caleb’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Per Ikithon’s orders through the spell cast on him, he was instructed to, within twenty five days, fabricate his own death using a specific toolkit he had taken home with him, frame his parents for his murder, and then return to the academy and to speak of the activities to no one in those thirty days. He spent those twenty five days with his parents and researching mind controlling spells, dreading the moment that it became the twenty sixth day, and when that happened, he felt a sharp pain in his head. His parents took him to the hospital to get him looked over. There was no indication he was under the effects of a spell, even though he wanted to tell someone what he had found out. So he was sent home with migraine medication and told to come back in a week to have a brain scan. He knew he wouldn’t be back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began setting up the death scene a couple nights later. His own blood from the ‘parties’ he had attended for months with Ikithon supervising had been kept fresh through a magical cooler, so that it was believable when it coagulated from his ‘death’ and dying throes. He used mage hand to grab a knife from his mother’s kitchen, used from that night’s meal and covered in her fingerprints. Inside his kit from Ikithon were multiple spell scrolls. One was to modify the memories of his parents to believe they got into a fight and killed him, a specific memory alteration of Ikithon’s design. There was one designed to trigger the memory spell on the parents upon coming to the fabricated death scene. Another was to create a body double, which would begin to show signs of decomposition in time with the memory of the parents. Most of the work was already done by Ikithon and only required a few material components from the students to set off before returning to the academy. (Jester did end up using the pillow to stifle her cursing and swearing, Beau had bit through her own lip and was tending the self-inflicted injury, while Fjord and Nott had left the room entirely. Yasha sat very quietly listening to the story, while Caduceus began making tea for everyone. Molly and Essek could only exchange silent faces at each other at the news, and Essek silently hoped he could beat the shit-eating grin off of Ikithon’s face at least once before the old coot died of old age or was thrown into prison or hanged for his crimes. Caleb gave a half-hearted laugh at many of their death threats against Ikithon when everyone returned to the room, his hands wrapped possessively around his mug of tea but not drinking any of it. Cad exchanged the cup for a cat cup that Beau had around, filled only with hot water, which Caleb barely registered while he continued talking.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The following morning, day twenty eight, his parents had left without saying anything to him and were gone most of the day. Caleb waited around for them all day, ready to set the plans in motion. He stayed up in his room, eating through rations designated for his return trip to the school since he was to avoid any and all contact with people during the return trip unless absolutely necessary. He ended up calling his parents when they hadn’t come back after they normally would go to bed, only to be met with a disconnected service message. He went to bed and was fitful for the evening. He awoke on day twenty nine to a phone call from the hospital on his phone. With a plan to surprise Caleb with brand new school materials and his favorite chocolates, they had gone out that morning shopping, but they lived in a very small town that was hours from any large shopping centers, so they wrote him a note explaining what they were doing and when they planned to be back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they hadn’t even left town when a semi-truck barrelled through a stoplight and obliterated their car, killing them instantly. In a fit, and a contingency plan woven into the spell (Geas, Caleb explained, the spell that forced someone to do a task for up to thirty days or longer, or suffer mental damage), Caleb set off all the components of the plan and set the house on fire, with a body double of his own that looked like he was murdered before the killer set the house ablaze. (Caleb looked at his hands and frowned, then, and Essek just took them gently in his own, pulling Caleb into a hug from on the couch. Caleb sobbed for a few minutes, with Jester curling up beside him on one side, Molly in front of him, and Nott on the other side. It was quiet in Beau’s house but for Caleb’s despair. Even Caduceus was lost in an enraged thought about what he would do to Ikithon upon next meeting, the group would find out later that night. Jester handed Caleb a tissue when his wracking shoulders finally steadied, and he took it with a soft thankfulness before blotting at his eyes.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On day thirty, when the spell finally released him with a final sharp mental blow for not completing the entire task, he was only one day of a three day foot journey back to the academy. Knowing he was free from the spell, he backtracked to his hometown and was about to go turn himself in for the arson when someone confessed to the crimes of murder and arson. Someone else took it upon themself to murder the confessor, and that person was arrested. Caleb couldn’t face dealing with what those complications would cause for him and for the other people involved, and ran away. Under different disguises and fake names and IDs, he travelled for a couple of months until the stress of the ordeal caught up to him, and he had a mental break. He was admitted to a hospital for psychiatric review. It was a few days stay, considering his circumstances of his admission, but he returned there later that same night and was kept for a number of months for the recovery process, and a year yet for psychiatric monitoring. (Caleb refrained from naming it, but everyone else had seen at that point the deep scars along his wrists that weren’t part of the ritualistic cuts from the bloodletting of Ikithon’s ‘parties’ while he was attending school there. Molly was most affected by the information, not having known about it until the same moment as the rest of their group, and he held one of Caleb’s hands for the remainder of the night. Jester took his other one from Essek, who went back to carding through Caleb’s hair and rubbing his shoulders.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The final ‘party’ he had taken part in before this task was more drastic than the others, and one of the upperclassmen explained that after that day, his genetic makeup would no longer be tied to his family bloodline. At the time, Caleb didn’t know what that meant, but the task he was sent to do made everything fall into place in his mind. When the hospital finally released him, having put on a very fake persona in order to not stay too long in one spot, Caleb racked his memory to recall just one phone number if at all, and after nearly three years of radio silence, got in touch with Mollymauk again. (Caleb slumped against Essek’s legs, and Molly took over the story from there. Molly had been going by Lucien when in highschool, but changed it to Mollymauk sometime in the three years he hadn’t been in touch with Caleb. When Caleb called him up and they got to talking, Molly revealed his name change, and Caleb came up with his new name at that point, so Molly thought nothing of it. He invited Caleb to come to the campus he lived by, and maybe Caleb could take classes. Caleb didn’t say anything about his coursework prior to that conversation, but agreed to move in with Molly. It was a year later then that he was awarded with his scholarship to Rosohna University, and the group knew the story from there.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester was softly crying next to him, holding his hand to her chest tight. Nott was curled into his shoulder, also crying softly, while Molly had moved from in front of Caleb to the side when he picked up the story. Essek stayed behind Caleb up on the couch, arms wrapped around his shoulders and cheek pressed into his hair. Beau had taken Fjord aside at some point and they were having a heated discussion. Caduceus was refreshing everyone’s tea, adding more hot water to Caleb’s discarded cat cup if he wanted the warmth on his hands again. Yasha had vanished, the information apparently too much for her to handle. Caleb looked emotionally done with the evening. Essek wanted to invite Caleb to come back to his dorm to spend the night, but the knowledge that Ikithon knew where Essek lived was enough deterrent for him. Obviously they couldn’t go back to Molly and Caleb’s apartment, as there was no telling if he knew the location.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau and Fjord finally returned to the group and explained that the whole lot of them would be welcome to spend the night there as extra bodies in case Ikithon made any attempt to snatch Caleb in the night. Essek agreed as soon as Caleb said he would be staying, and the rest of the group agreed as well. Yasha returned and said she would stay up to watch over everyone if that was the plan, and that plan was agreed upon as well. Everything was terse and short as they discussed sleeping arrangements, no one making any small talk as they rearranged the living room to fit eight sleeping bodies and one person to watch over them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blankets and pillows and cushions were spread around to create as many soft sleeping surfaces as possible. Jester asked Caleb if he wanted someone to curl up with for the night, then offered to do so when he said he wouldn’t mind it. Essek bit his tongue and recalled some of Caleb's comments made that night, particularly about Astrid, and suddenly feeling like he had encroached on space that was not his to be in when it came to how close he was getting with Caleb. His heart sank as Jester curled up behind the wizard and pulled him to her chest. Caleb was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow. Essek pulled the sleeping bag Fjord had pulled out from his vehicle up over his face and went to sleep that way, trying to ignore the way his heart was pounding in his chest at his own stupidity.</span>
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